WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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