If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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