Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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