The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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