i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
