So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
