i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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