a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
