i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
