dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
