best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i need to put some appletini on your dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
