My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
