she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
