Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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