we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
