When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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