i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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