No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
