someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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