If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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