There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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