The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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