All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
