hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
