Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
do nipples grow back?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
