apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
