Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
