and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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