you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
