I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
