ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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