worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
