He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
