dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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