the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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