Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
