nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
