I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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