If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
