Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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