Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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