Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
