Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
