ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
