I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
