The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
bring money and cleavage
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
