Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
