i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
