Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
