How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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