whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
